7 Levels of my Hell

 So, this Blogger account is going to be used as my journal.  I plan on encouraging Collet to do the same instead of hand writing but seeing she prefers to hand write things I imagine I'll be doing it alone lol. To start at the beginning of this new beginning.... Collet and I met just before Valentines day 2020 and on Valentines Day we had our first kiss and instantly knew in our souls that we were destined for each other.  The following year we saw each other on one "vacation" in June and wasn't until the start of 2021 did we start talking again.   She was in PA completing rehab and I was a drunken mess once again.  I told her I needed her (a first for me to ask for help) and within a week I was picking her up to come home. Now, we both know what we felt, feel and currently feel and it's hard to explain to someone who hasn't experienced it. We are BOTH are seriously mentally fucked people.  I don't think either one of us hid it. But our.... "issues...

 Brub, I FUCKING MISS YOU. PROVE THE WORLD I WAS RIGHT, YOU WILL CHANGE THIS WORLD.

 You stop talking to me for that... I am more than comfortable in nothing my sexuality say this have your ugly man. I really don't think I have anything left to say to you, your mistake not mine. Thank you for f****** me but other than that, bugh-bye.

 Collete, love, you were there you saw it I'm not f****** crazy. You were really the one for me. Thank you for the best sex of my life.

 Thomasina, yeah that's what I'm going to call you I'll always call you that. Why because that's your stripper name that you are so proud of. No matter how many filters you add to your life you're still not going to be 25 again. You took my baby from me you took the only f****** thing that when it boils down to it really matters. you're not proving anything to me because I've already beaten you so many f****** times that you can't stand it and then you realized oh my son is worth money. Stripper whore mentality... MUCH. I GAVE HIM THE ONLY STABLE HOME HE'S EVER KNOWN IN HIS ENTIRE LIFE. What are you willing to sacrifice for him Thomasina? Nothing because you think you really are God's gift to Earth. I want you to register the fact that you destroyed someone that is spent their entire life trying to make up for one stupid f****** mistake. He's my son not yours.you're the reason you're the entire f****** reason why he's f***** up an...

 How did things come to this. Why because of stupid f****** people. I miss you Robert I miss you Abb I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry Whether you realize it or not I've already set up trust funds to take care of you. I miss having dinner with both of you every night.

 Brub. (And I'm going to say this in all caps because that's how I fucking feel.) You have no fucking clue how much I miss you. So many things I wish to say to you. but the most that means everything to me is are you happy are you okay is Mom taking care of you? Are you doing good in school are you proving to the world how smart you are? 8 days. Once I had custody of you that was the longest I've gone without you. I went to the other side of the world and couldn't get you off of my mind the entire time I was there. I cut my vacation short it's not your fault I did it because I wanted to but I spent $900 to come back immediately to see you. I love you Brub, I hope one day I'm able to hug you again.