John Denver + Fallout 76 = A Perfect Circle

My second night in Shanghai in Pudong I spent that entire evening (and the rest of my visit) with Dave and Shirley.  Dave gave me a "blanket" of a fatherly figure I never experienced before.  He had this overwhelming.....call it duty, to take care of me and everything regarding me just as he's doing with his very quiet son.

At the same time I had Shirley, "Miss Tiger Mom," constantly slowing her pace to make sure I'm keeping up and not stranded or left behind.   Reassuring me that "if" we're separated what to do for each "hub" of the massive connecting subway system or when we're walking the endless miles to burn off the meal she's always dropping back from leader to keep pace with me, pushing me to keep going. I feel no choice but to continue ignoring the overwhelming urge to throw myself in front of one of the million cars going back and forth every hour because I'm just so fucking exhausted and don't know how much longer I can keep going at this neverending pace.

I still haven't a fucking clue how I pushed through this trip.  Already half my heart is dead and the other side has two stents because at least they managed to save the rest. I know, and remember WELL, the whole heart-attack experience. It's beyond fucked up (at least mine was).

The day before it happened I felt it coming but managed to "jump on it" and chewed two 325's of aspirin and with taking deep, controlled breaths I managed to stop it from happening the night before the big one hit.

2nd #I_shit_you_not

But the next night that motherfucking 10.O hit and took me down, HARD. That early morning of darkness on my unkissed daughters 1st birthday brought it into reality.

PAIN unlike anything ever experienced and indescribable because it's felt everywhere at once and so intense your brain never has the ability to completely register what's happened....the COLD.....the FLASH.....then the FEAR was my destination of stops for this night.

#backtothestory

The 2nd night I'm there and while Dave was conducting business with suppliers is when Shirley completely astonished me.

I don't believe I've mentioned this in any of my "logs" about this trip but I had ZERO ability to communicate with the outside world.

#preperation (ROFL)

I broke my phone when it hit the asphalt in Jersey submitting my travel Visa at the Chinese Consulate with my son. It took some blows but this wee A30 finally cracked, and not just cracked but shattered and had a missing piece of glass.  I knew I was on borrowed time with having this phone function.  I was waiting for the day that a sharp corner would pierce the screen and make the phone go dark.

But I still planned on taking it with me and finding something better there.  They have phones that embarrass the micro tech and octa-core 4gb RAM phones that are sold here.

Because the Taxi driver showed up earlier than expected I didn't have everything outside my house as I was preparing to have done. My house was locked up and I wanted to be ready awaiting their arrival, even setting one of my kitchen chairs I had placed in my driveway next to my luggage to wait to leave.

My active cell phone was left on my couch still plugged in to get as much battery as possible since I'm not given an option to charge anything on this flight to Chicago or Chicago to China. The phone I bought to "crack" to work in china (-SIM card) I soft-bricked it. The last minute backup I bought was a nuclear holocaust of a cracked Samsung S7. The FIRST NIGHT it fell from my lap when I stood up and BAM, black screen of death making this phone useless.

I am in fucking CHINA and have no way to communicate with anyone.  The only time I make contact is when that 1st time meeting Dave and Shirley and Dave, without hesitation, hands me his phone and tells me to call my son to let him know I'm here and OK.

I call, his mother answers.  It's 10PM in NY but everyone is asleep and I've awoken her. But I'm so greatful to have make contact.  I don't know the expense this call is having on this new friend I've made not more than 7 minutes prior but am forever grateful.

I request to send my love and say I'm OK and I will always owe my father for the fact I was able to provide my son with the assurance that I've landed and I am OK despite not seeing him or speaking to him for almost 2 days I force myself to not let it bother me.

During my life altering trip to China I had almost no evidence it happened and I'm OK with that.  I spent 7 days on the other side of the planet with my head UP and not buried on social media and scrolling through some ass-clowns pictures of their dinners or stupid duck-faced selfies while I'm here. Something I feel was the intention of this trip that made sure this was the case.

What kept me "moving" throughout China was music.  I would think of obscure songs I knew (and used to know word for word) and I'd sing them to myself trying to keep my focus distracted so I didn't allow the exhaustion to take control.

My best of friends Weese (Dzwill, my true brother) taught me when I moved to Boca Raton, FL in the Fall of 2002 that pain is ignorable .

When I moved to Boca he was in awesome shape, lost like 80% body fat and worked hard to get there.  He brought me to the beach where he runs almost nightly. A mile back and forth on the dry sand. 

The fucking dry sand...

I didn't know what effort this took so I jumped right in with him.  6 steps into it I wanted to give up, 20 steps in my calves are on fire.  By 50 I said "fuck it" gave up and I smoked a cigarette while I watched him seemingly effortlessly stride out of sight and back where I waited, laying back on a left out lawn chair from one of the resorts on the beach less than a mile from our apartment.

I asked him how the fuck he can do that, even after the year I haven't seen him and lots of practice, no fucking way
.
He told me. "Dude, I'm tired almost as soon as I start, but what I've realized is you never get MORE tired than you are.  The second I start I want to give up but I know that no matter what it's not going to get worse."

That "motto" stuck with me for the rest of my life.  That motto was my inspiration in keeping up to Dave and Shirley. 

This trip....my "expectations" was going to be a one way destination. 

My heart was bad, it felt exactly how before when I had my heart attack. My relationship with my son was falling apart and actively being sabotaged.  Making the choice to save my daughter by letting her go, completely, destroyed my world.  It was something I realized was my only option once that pedohile psychopath managed to secure yet another OOP against me for once again bullshit, custody manipulation intentions.

An OOP was granted on the grounds of "sending an email to request additional time with my daughter" which was what MY attorney told me was in my best interest to do.

I took this trip, sacrificing my credit, my car, my house, my LIFE because I knew there was some reason I had to travel to China, at any cost. I skipped 2 mortgage payments, car payment and insurance to ensure I had enough money to go. Because I "had to."

On a side note Karma "came through" and EVERYTHING is better than before I left in every conceivable way, including financially and more importantly my son and I are fucking best of friends now.

#followtheuniverse

So that first night, while Dave is speaking with friends after I've met them, they've paid for my dinner, ensured I got my refund for the nights I wasn't staying in the hotel in Shanghai and in this massive ballroom event hall discussing business with someone. This was before I understood who Dave and Shirley deep down really are.

Again, I have NO smartphone or anything to bide my time so I turn to music.

When Bethesda Studios released Fallout 76's teaser "mix" of John Denver's Country Road the fucking internet had a nerdgasm.  My particularly found a deep connection to this version of two songs into once and "adjusted" to perfection.

This song constantly being on my mind I started to sing it in my head and eventually mumbled the 2nd verse of "blue ridge mountains" and stopped once I realized I was being vocal.

Shirley replies with "Shandona River."

I about fucking shit myself.

This 1/2 Chinese 1/2 Taiwanese woman knows THIS fucking song? Get the fuck out of here...
My head snapped to the side and I was shell shocked and she was almost was as much that I knew it also.

This led to a constant "test of music knowledge" throughout China.  She then tells me she's a baby boomer and although I never ask her age I find it hard to believe.  She looks far too young and is in far too good shape to be in her 60's (I learn later that she's 65).

She constantly starts songs to "test" my knowledge and I'm spot on almost every time.  The songs I'm not sure of or don't know she pulls up YouTube and plays it.  Being world travelers they both have phones that are cracked to properly operate even in China's oppressive internet access state.

This song, ended up being the beginning, middle and end of my journey to "enlightenment" and radical change and so I feel it worth noting its effect it had on me personally and was the catalyst and final thought to this revelation.

This was also the song I awoke to and realized I needed to get back to help my son who needs me now more than ever.