"Today"

I'm so sick and tired of this mundane bullshit I have to live with.
haven't seen my kids in years......FUCKING years.

I can barely take care of myself and I really don't care to do better. What does anything matter?  THE entire point of my existence was to have children and have a happy family.

I've lost that. So what the fuck should I do now?

I really don't see a lot of  options at this point.  Yeah, I've got some money coming to me but what does it matter when I can't spend it on the people I want to?

After I lost you Robert I started drinking really bad.  Yeah it was my fault but I'm just trying to tell you what happened so maybe you can try to understand.

I started drinking like really really bad.  I've been to rehab like 30 times since.  Not just for alcohol....

I was so depressed and hated myself so much I started using heroin.  It was bad.  I honestly believe I did it so I could have an easy way out to "kill  myself."  But then I thought about you and Abbi and realized what a fucking scumbag I'd be if I killed myself and left you both.

I'm going to be serious right now and be straightforward with you Brub.

You were such an.......ASS-HAT.  You hated me (because of your "mother.") , loved your mother and knowing I've sacrificed everything for you really did break me.  I spend every single last dollar I had for years on you.  You broke everything I bought you, everything of mine I let you play with and everything in our house, every single major appliance you broke and couldn't care less.

I get it your a child.  But why fight against the person that's doing everything humanly possible to help you?

I broke myself but my love, my baby boy, you sure as shit didn't help.  I still love you 3000.


So therefore I'm going to open businesses' worldwide and make sure my great great great grand kids want for nothing.

Robert & Abbi....  YOU are the only thing I will ever care about on Earth.  #betmylife

I'm sorry I failed both of you.  I failed to protect you and keep you safe.  THAT is MY ONLY job as a father is to protect and teach.  I don't want forgiveness I just want you both to know why.

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