I need to get my fucking head out of my ass. Like fucking yesterday.

 Today I attended the funeral of someone that was actually close to me that wasn't family (but it kinda was.)  JT was my brother.  It was different in so many aspects of any funeral I've ever attended and sufficient to say it was the "best" funeral I've ever attended.  

I actually knew JT, the real  JT.  Regardless of his endless struggles he always did the right thing.  Sure he had a temper, sure he could be a dick at times but ultimately, when it came down to it he ALWAYS did the right thing.  The years I spent with him and Weese were some of the most influential experiences of my life. To be honest, he was the person that helped me "get some balls."

Shit, he even made me stand up to someone that bullied me my entire childhood.  It was fucking perfect.

JT, me and Tom B (and I think someone else) arrived to his house party in Minoa.  We're already high as fuck but were looking to have fun. We're there a couple of hours and I run into him....  

We're getting ready to leave the party.  We had an awesome time, got everyone stoned, won some games of beer pong and were leaving on a good "party high."  I get into the drivers seat ready to head back to home-base (JT's house over the bridge) and then that's when it happened.  

David C decides to come up to my opened SUV window and tell me " You know Spelman, I've never looked at you other than a fat piece of shit."  At that point JT said "what the fuck" and jumped out of the passenger seat.  I jumped out of the drivers seat and slammed the door.

That fucking coward disappeared, David C vanished like the gigantic pussy of a "man" he is.  Then I have Adam C coming towards me with his chest puffed out like he thinks he has a chance.  I'm sure his anger stems from when his brother decided to show up at my house late at night with a crowd of people looking to fight me.  My father answered the door, looked at me and said " do you want to do this?"  I said "absolutely".

We fought, it was an even fight, no winners so I thought it was over.....apparently not. So he comes, ,Adam C marching towards me and the moment I see him to roll back his right shoulder to throw me some king of haymaker I just blast him in the face, breaking his nose resulting in rivers of blood running from both nostrils.  Rivers of blood rolled over the hood on my fathers Expedition. It was kinda a bittersweet symphony. 

I see JT and Tom B beating the shit out of others trying to get at us.  That was the first time in my LIFE that I had friends truly show me what friendship means.  

I know I'm done using any kind of opiate even though I know eventually soon I'll have no choice but to go back on them and I'm making sure that day is long in the future.  But this alcohol shit. I can't fucking stop.  I'll completely admit that the reason I drink is to escape reality as I think is the only reason people are alcoholics.  

Seeing JT there in his casket really affected me for the first time in awhile.