7 Levels of my Hell

My daughter has been deaf for the first 4 years of her life. It wasn't her choice, it was her "mother's." When I was finally given the ability to take her to the Dr's one of the first things I did was bring her to the hearing center. Because when she was born her "m" was told that she will soon need hearing aids.  She went to the 1st appointment when she was JUST 6 months old.  NEVER went back.  Therefore my daughter was refused and denied the ability to be free. I fought, like a fucking war machine and finally got my rights. She got her hearing aids and went bonkers, remember that my love. Everyone went bonkers for you. The first song you heard was Paradox: Hallelujah. She was NEVER so excited.  This would become one of her most favorite songs. For her it meant one thing, for me another. But we both felt the overwhelming love this song that brought her into the world at this very moment and we met it together.

I still remember the day you told me you were pregnant with my child.. I was working at Record Theater on Erie Blvd. You sent me a text. "I'm pregnant." As scared as I was I was also beyond happy. I told you I wanted to keep it and I would spend the rest of my life with you. But, you killed it. Without even talking to me about it. I found out later when you were recovering from the abortion and even though you ripped away MY child I still wanted to comfort you. Almost 20 years later and I've never gotten over it, You killed something I created, that''s why I believe Karma FINALLY came for you and you got justice for the life you took. P.S.  I think it's beyond fucked up you "fell in love with" someone that looks exactly like your brother. #incestmuch?

You both read my writings and you both failed to even acknowledged it exists, apparently so II'm going to save the "family name" even though we should by now understand it means SHIT, never has. Your silence to my annoy is all but the evidence I need that I'm not meant to be here. Whatever happens next is on me, not you.  Although "Mom" I will say you really did cast the first, last and final stone, Lets see if I wake up tomorrow, I'm really hoping I don't.

Ernst Hemingway. Probably one of the greatest writers of the 20th Century. I have never felt so closer.  Here's a man that the weight of his own knowledge led to his demise. Which I still think the jury is out if his wife didn't kill him. I understand him now more than ever.  Knowledge isn't power, it's a curse. Knowing what I know, seeing what I've seen this isn't a blessing. it's insanity. When your whole life you've only tried to do the right thing only to have it thrown back into your face that it's just a mistake is a lot to take into. I WAS THE WORLDS MOST AMAZING FATHER.  THE TIME I SPENT WITH MY CHILDREN WAS THE MOST AMAZING AND UNFORGETTABLE TIME OF MY LIFE. They were my everything. Because my daughter was used as currency so her drug addict mother could get her next fix and I went after everyone that refused to listen I'm now being showed what happens when you "fight the system." My daughter is going to talk, just like s...

I just had the most amazing night of my life this past week that I'm still reigning high on cloud nine. Trust me I've needed it after the shit I've been through.  I consider myself the luckiest man on Earth having met my true soul-mate. My wife, yes I said wife, just gave me the most amazing night of my entire life.  After almost 4 months of being separated because of COVID and we finally get to see each other and the tension was building to the point we couldn't take it anymore and needed to be together and we said fuck it. She does 90 to get here. As soon as she's out of the car she's jumping into my arms and we kiss so fucking hard.  Later that night was when I had the hottest and best sex of my LIFE.  She strips down to her sexy bra and underwear, turns on YouTube and gives me the sexiest, tasteful romantic lap dance ever given to mankind.  God I love my fucking wife!